On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
