Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
