Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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