Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
