He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
