ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
