I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Randomize
