I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
