I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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