I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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