I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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