I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
