I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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