Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
