After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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