Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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