Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
