I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
