walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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