it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
