she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Too much gin, very little bucket
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My breasts were aching with rage.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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