Mattress luging...It's a long story.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
