you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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