all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
