I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
