I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
