she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
