We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
