Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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