At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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