were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
