My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
