we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
