Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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