I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
