I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
this hospital has no fireball
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
