She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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