Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
