Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
