If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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