i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
