Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So. Much. Porn.
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