Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
