i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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