i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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