You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
