he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
