3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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