dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
