Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
