have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
