And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
